Moments

You know those moments when you wake up or are lying in bed and just realise that actually the world is too much right now? Those moments. They cant seem to leave me alone. But the thing is, with every one of those moments I have to plan how I want to do it. And then I need to gather the materials. And really, by the time you've bought the pills or found some rope the moment has passed. And your left with nothing but the feeling that that moment will come back one day, maybe just in a few hours, and do you really want to know where the rope is or have so many pills to hand? Do you really want to make it that easy for yourself? So you hide them, or throw them away, or burn them and watch the flames and smoke. And you tell yourself that the waste of money doesn't really mean much in the end. After all, its far more important to know, when those moments come, whether they are moments that will pass in half an hour or whether you really do want to take your life.
You will find, as I have, that most often those moments are just that, moments.