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:iconkizin-of-kaplumba: More from Kizin-of-kaplumba


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Literature by EndlessMuse


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Submitted on
June 13, 2013
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1.8 KB
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458
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35 (who?)
Comments
23

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Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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It hurt you know,
Falling for you.

I felt very bump and bang,
Every bruise and break.
I tried to hold on,
I tried to slow down,
I tried to stop.
But it was inevitable.
Gravity was too much,
It kept pulling me down
To you.

And when I landed,
When I hit the ground
At your feet
I could barely breathe.
It was too much
For anyone to handle
Let alone me.

But I watched you reach down,
And felt you pick me up.
You gathered together
All my broken pieces
And worked for days
Making me whole again.

It took time
But I finally realised
That for me to fall down to you
Meant that you
Had fallen too.

So once I was rebuilt
I searched for your missing pieces.
I found your hand
That made strings
Into souls.
I found your lungs,
Which turned air
Into a caress.
And I found your eyes,
Their blue oceans
Drowning me.

But I couldn't find your heart.
Not straight away.
And I'm still looking,
But I can't see you anymore.

It's dark
But warm
Because I know
That I am getting closer to your heart.

But it makes me wonder.
How far did you fall?
How much did it hurt?
Because to get to you,
To find your hand,
To find your lungs,
To find your eyes,
To find your heart,
It almost destroyed me.

Did you know that?

Did you know,
I fell for you.
Hard.
And now,
               I'm lost.
I'm not quite sure where this was going, or where it even began.
Feedback is always welcome.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlustfuldevil:
LustfulDevil Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013   Writer
nice work
Reply
:iconkizin-of-kaplumba:
Kizin-of-kaplumba Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks
Reply
:iconlustfuldevil:
LustfulDevil Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013   Writer
welcome
Reply
:icon00simplesoul00:
00SIMPLESOUL00 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013  Student General Artist
I love this, it's intricate and complicated, but I understand it. Nice work ^^ :clap:
Reply
:iconkizin-of-kaplumba:
Kizin-of-kaplumba Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much, I'm glad you could understand it. Thank you for the fave as well by the way, it always means a lot
Reply
:icon00simplesoul00:
00SIMPLESOUL00 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Student General Artist
Me too, and your very welcome. Art in an artist community deserves some recognition :clap: well done :D
Reply
:iconkizin-of-kaplumba:
Kizin-of-kaplumba Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Aw, thank you again, :huggle:
Reply
:icon00simplesoul00:
00SIMPLESOUL00 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Student General Artist
You are super duper welcome :glomp:
Reply
:iconpastortimothy:
PastorTimothy Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
reminds me of my situation
Reply
:iconbabycharchar:
BabyCharChar Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist
I think it's great and very descriptive about the persons feelings and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Reply
:iconkizin-of-kaplumba:
Kizin-of-kaplumba Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much, for the fave as well
Reply
:iconbabycharchar:
BabyCharChar Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist
No problem~~
Reply
:iconimma-duck:
Imma-Duck Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Student Writer
I loved the first half. Beautiful scenes.

'I found your eyes,
Their blue oceans
Drowning me.'
What a powerful image. This really struck me.

Personally, I think the second half needs a little work. Such an amazing start needs an ending that punches a reader in the gut.
I honestly don't comment on many pieces that I read, but you said you wanted feedback, and I do think you have incredible talent.

Very well done.
Reply
:iconkizin-of-kaplumba:
Kizin-of-kaplumba Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I agree with you that the ending needs work, at the very least two stanzas will need to be changed almost completely. But I'm not exactly sure how yet, the piece just came to me, kinda hard to mess around with if I wrote it in a few minutes. But I do agree.
And yes, I always appreciate feedback, thank you very much, for the fave as well
Reply
:iconimma-duck:
Imma-Duck Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013  Student Writer
Well, just keep thinking on it, looking at it. It'll come to you :)

But very well done. You're welcome. 
Reply
:iconkonnono:
Konnono Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
All that pain and it wasn't enough.
Reply
:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013
Ah, I think this is so beautiful to read. I think every line was deep, was sadly sweet, was like a breath of fresh air. Also very lovely imagery. My favorite stanza was->"So once I was rebuilt
I searched for your missing pieces.
I found your hand
That made strings
Into souls.
I found your lungs,
Which turned air
Into a caress.
And I found your eyes,
Their blue oceans
Drowning me.
"
But I love how strong and clever, sweet and deep the first stanza was.

Even though this is kinda a break-up poem, I still like the times in it where you do talk of the love you felt for this person, and I wish love could really be so pure like that.

So good job!:iconsabyworld:
Reply
:iconkizin-of-kaplumba:
Kizin-of-kaplumba Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, thank you so much, for the fave as well as all the group requests that I can only assume must come from you.
After that I'm at a lose for words really. I'm glad you liked the imagery, as that is mainly what the poem is, and I'm really glad the emotion got through to you as I intended it.
Seriously, I am speechless.
Reply
:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013
No prob!:)
I was happy to do it all!:)
Reply
:iconwaiting-for-wings:
waiting-for-wings Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is amazing!
Reply
:iconkizin-of-kaplumba:
Kizin-of-kaplumba Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much
Reply
:iconestuari:
Estuari Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013
You painted a really interesting metaphor for two people falling in love. I really enjoyed reading it!
Reply
:iconkizin-of-kaplumba:
Kizin-of-kaplumba Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Aww, thank you so much :hugs:
Reply
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