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About Literature / Hobbyist Member BethanyFemale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
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Social anxiety is interesting.
I'm slightly introverted
But without the romanticism.
My heart races at raised voices
And I'm easily startled.
Nothing would make me happier
Than living in my room,
Never needing to leave.
But similarly
My soul will grow restless,
Twisting and turning in my chest,
Making my fingers itch
Until I pick up a pen.
But when me attention doesn't hold
I know the only thing that will help
Is to sit among people I love,
Be acknowledged,
Be busy.
And I think I've begun to understand
At least that part.
You see I love being alone
But hate being lonely.

Some days I have no problem
With leaving the house,
But other days those wide skies
And small crowds
Are more than too much,
They are terrifying.
And sometimes
I can ask someone to go with me,
So that I can get food shopping,
Or travel to work.
But sometimes
Even that doesn't work.
And it's time to call in sick
When you have panic attacks
Two feet from your door.
And even when it's not so dramatic,
When it's a tightening of my chest
And needing to keep my head down
To avoid seeing
All the fucking people,
All the fucking space,
Even then
It's easier to cancel appointments,
Make your apologies,
And hide under the blankets.
And maybe you don't eat that day
But it's hard to regret it.
Until one of those loved ones
Shows they're disappointed.
Because then you feel worthless
With no one to blame but yourself.
Because really,
Why didn't you walk outside?
You know the first step is hardest
And that the second is easier.
So why didn't I just push on?

But the thing is
It just feels wrong sometimes,
And walking with your brain gone missing
Is almost as scary
As those panic attacks,
Because what if you don't come back?
What if you et lost in those wide open spaces?
And then the only thing to do
Is turn off the lights,
Close the curtains,
And pull up the blankets.
The world was too big today,
Try again tomorrow.

You see there's nothing romantic about it.
And no way to predict it.
it's just shortness of breath,
Fear of open spaces,
Fear of unfamiliar faces.
And maybe some people
Want to make up poems
And be the lead role in their own tragedy,
But to me it's just
Hungry evenings,
Anxiety filled mornings,
Disappointed faces,
Shameful tears,
And silent screaming.
And maybe you can make that sound romantic
But there's not enough imagery in the world
And all it's languages
To make me wish
It wouldn't just all go away.

Now make that sound pretty.
Wouldn't want to offend the masses.
Raw Truth.
Yeah, had enough of the stress of today. 
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She calls him
When the silence gets too much,
But the walls have closed in
And the stars bid her
Hush.
He says her name in question
And waits a little while,
Her breathing tells him everything.
And he says
Okay.
He listens to her silence
Until she falls asleep
And waits a little longer
To be sure the demons
Are fighting fair
And understand that he's still listening
Even if he isn't there.
He chuckles at her quiet snores
And lets his own eyes close,
Whispers a quiet promise
As they hold each other
In their dreams.
Silence Speaks
Time for a lighter piece I think, past few submissions have been a bit too personal really. 

Yeah, not too sure how this became a piece from his perspective rather than hers but my work often writes itself. 

Let me know what you think. 
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Words
130 deviations
I fucking hate today but I can't seem to stop writing
Take my frayed nerves
And split them wider
Like the ends of my hair,
Examine them closely,
Learn what makes me tick.
Don’t forget.
You won’t get a second chance.

Use the knowledge to trace
Those ever so pale scars
And figure out
Which give me nightmares
And which make me quiet.
But be careful,
You might cut your fingers
On the sharp edges.

And while I’m laid bare
Why not poke and prod,
Find out where it still hurts.
It won’t take you long.
Watch out though,
I’ll bite when you get too close.

And later,
When the tears begin to slip
And my breaths begin to stutter
Make sure you remember
To look the other way.
After all
You barely know me.

deviantID

Kizin-of-kaplumba
Bethany
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United Kingdom
Current Residence: my own little world
Favourite style of art: landscapes or waterscapes
MP3 player of choice: ipod nano/touch
Personal Quote: anywhere, everywhere and all the places in between
Interests

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:iconallons-ysherlock:
Allons-ySherlock Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
You're fantastic. Please keep on, keeping on.
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:iconcallerofcrows:
callerofcrows Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the watch! :) 
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:iconxxdraxx:
xxdraxx Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014  Student Artist
Hey~~

Just wanted to thank you for the fave!

Also, since I'm currently focusing on music, I was wondering if you'd be interested in supporting me in that endeavor of mine?

If you are, I can link you to where you can find that stuff!
Reply
:iconwibblequibble:
wibblequibble Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thanks for watching me n.n
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014   Writer
Lily Thank you  for the watch!
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014   Writer
Thank you for the favorites! :nuu:
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:iconnayaselenia:
NayaSelenia Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy B-day! :party:
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:iconkizin-of-kaplumba:
Kizin-of-kaplumba Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :hug:
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:iconentitaria:
Entitaria Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the favourite on 'Dreamscape'! :heart:
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:iconjoniwagnerart:
joniwagnerart Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014   Traditional Artist
Thank you for the Watch!!
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