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About Literature / Hobbyist Member BethanyFemale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
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There is grit
Trapped under my eyelids.
I’m not sure how it got there,
I don’t remember shedding tears,
But there is no denying
This is the salt left over from crying.

And I think there’s something
That my mind is avoiding,
Something I’ve whispered to my pillow
In the darkness
When the words were too heavy.
But it won’t yet tell me.

I don’t dare move.
I’m staring at the same dark smudge
On the white wall.
My muscles ache.
My eyes itch.
But if I move
Everything will shatter.

Something is missing.
And I’ve been crying.
I’m too tired to check if it’s still raining.
Hush
That moment between sleep and wakefulness in the morning, that moment when you don't remember. It's almost more painful. Almost. 
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I am basking in the sun
But I do not remember
Leaving the sanctity of the indoors.
You play with my fingers,
Faceless but smiling,
And whisper sweet nothings
That I don’t listen to.
Your voice fades into the background
Along with out of sync birdsong
And the wind rustling leaves
That I cannot see from the ground.
I turn to you, but not really,
I’m still looking at the sky,
Watching the clouds move slowly
And trying to figure out
If my eyes are playing tricks
Or whether this is proof that we are spinning
A thousand miles an hour
Without even standing up.
But more likely
It is just the wind.
And I say something about being a romantic
And your whisperings pause
Before starting up again
And I’m still not listening.
The grass has been cut recently
And it’s too sharp on my skin,
I want to leave, find somewhere softer,
But you’re still holding my hand,
Your fingertips tapping mine
In a rhythm I don’t understand
And it feels wrong
To make you move
When you are rarely so content.
And finally I look at you
And pay attention to what you’re whispering
And I can’t make sense of it at first.
Your eyes meet mine and your smile is soft,
You squeeze my fingers
And tell me that you can feel the scars.
I shiver. The sun is no longer so warm.
Can feel the scars, you say,
One two three
So many and so pretty.
How many times did he grab your hands,
How many times did you feel your bones grind?
Your skin is so pretty in the sunlight.
Did he ever make you scream?
And I try to pull my hand free
But you’ve got me
And I wonder when we got here,
When I let you take my hand from me,
When you started whispering my fears with a smile,
And when I stopped listening.
And I watch the clouds move across the sky,
And wish that the sun would warm by bones,
While you play with my fingers,
Finally warm and happy,
Telling me that he made me pretty.
Faceless but smiling.
I really don't like my nightmares sometimes. 
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And maybe that was all it was
But when I grow so weary my eyes refuse to open,
And when I hear those cathedral bells,
Honouring the passing of hours
In a way that clocks never seem to manage,
Well, that is when I remember,
When I allow a few tears
To leak from that sealed up well within me.
That is when I allow a few moments of pain,
A few moments of heartache
For everything that it was,
For everything that is stole,
And for everthing it continues to be.
Because sometimes a shadow is all we know
And sometimes it just clings to our feet.
Shadows At High Noon
I think I'm beginning to get better, in the sense that I can now see how much better I am. But I'm not there yet and sometimes I need to acknowledge that yes, it was just as bad as I remember, worse in fact as I don't remember the summer that it got really bad. 
But other times, well, other times I forget that it even happened, and I think that's healthy even if I still need to step outside of my own head sometimes.
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138 deviations

deviantID

Kizin-of-kaplumba
Bethany
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United Kingdom
Current Residence: my own little world
Favourite style of art: landscapes or waterscapes
MP3 player of choice: ipod nano/touch
Personal Quote: anywhere, everywhere and all the places in between
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:iconxxi-feel-infinitexx:
xXI-Feel-InfiniteXx Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
thanks for the fave :heart:
Reply
:iconkizin-of-kaplumba:
Kizin-of-kaplumba Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, thank you very very much, I'm honoured. I hope you keep making features, it's good way of introducing new art to people and it's always appreciated by the artists. And I hope I keep writing things that you enjoy, thank you again
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:iconxxbatzyxx:
xxBatzyxx Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure, dear :)
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:iconallons-ysherlock:
Allons-ySherlock Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2015  Student Photographer
Happy Birthday! :)
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:iconlive-for-the-stars:
live-for-the-stars Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2015
Happy Birthday!
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:iconxxstarstormxx:
XxStarstormxX Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2015  Student
Happy birthday! :D
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:iconteaisloveteaislife:
teaisloveteaislife Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy birthday!! :cake: have a good one~ :dance:
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:icondropdeadkrislyn:
DropDeadKrislyn Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you oh so much for the watch! :blowkiss:
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:iconxxi-feel-infinitexx:
xXI-Feel-InfiniteXx Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the fave and watch Danisnotonfire: FEELS 
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